Love is a feeling we get that can be related to emotions that make us excited, nervous, angry, upset, and/or passionate about something. How we give and receive love says a lot about our personality and character. The expression and acceptance of love affects our relationships. Understanding our love language helps us know and feel love as we desire. The five languages of love include acts of service, quality time, affirmation, physical touch, and receiving gifts. We can better speak from the heart if we can communicate our love language.
- Acts of service – These are things you can do for others and/or others can do for you to feel loved. These could be simple acts of doing the dishes or putting gas in the car. These are the “it’s the little things” that are noticed.
- Quality time – Some people need undivided attention. You or they want the other person’s focus. Quality is the factor that matters, not necessarily the quantity. This could be putting the cell phone aside and/or making eye contact.
- Affirmation – Some need to hear spoken words to feel love whether it be encouragement, text messages, praise, quotes, or appreciation. Pointing out something and acknowledgement are key.
- Physical touch – This could be holding hands, touching the persons arm, a little massage, and/or sex. It can be cuddling and being close.
- Receiving gifts – Some people appreciate the time and effort and thoughtfulness of gifts whether it be giving them or receiving them. Some people remember every little gift, and it isn’t always about the most expensive item. It’s knowing that the gift giver put their love into the gift.
Two people in a relationship don’t have to have the same love language, nor do we fall in love more with people who do have the same as ourselves. Some of us have never even thought about or identified our love language, but there are some questions we can ask ourselves to do so. To identify your love language, ask yourself these questions regarding how you feel in relationships. Do you feel more loved when your partner…..
- Run errands for you?
- Plans a trip for the two of you?
- Tells you I love you and says sweet things?
- Holds your hand when you walk places?
- Surprises you with a gift?
There are some perks to understanding love languages. By learning about other’s, you are being selfless. You are accepting someone else for what suits them best. You aren’t trying to convince someone that you love them when you know how to express it in the meaningful way they seek. You also grow as a person and in how you are a better half of a relationship when you learn about someone else, act accordingly, and go outside your comfort zone to do so. You could be nervous your gift isn’t enough to someone who finds love from receiving gifts. However, you grow, knowing that your gift is more than enough, and you can go buy it and give it without judgement. You can also become more intimate with the other person because you’re connected to them. You really get to know someone more than just surface level.
It’s important not to pressure someone to conform to love language or to try to convert them to the language you prefer. It’s good to recognize that your language and the other persons’ language may change, but the key is to communicate this and not expect the other part to automatically be aware of the change. Not all people are romantic and not all people believe in love being defined.
Healthy relationships thrive on putting into practice the love both parties need. Love almost requires a level of fulfillment, so it’s good to point out what fills your heart. It doesn’t have to be complex, rather, the languages are simple. What gets confusing is when you try to figure someone else out or think the other person should figure you out. Love feels amazing when we receive and give it so that the other person receives and feels it. It’s not to be taken for granted, so tools like putting love languages into play, can be successful acts from the heart that bond two people together.